Posts Tagged ‘to’

Such a lightweight

Posted: April 4, 2012 in The Playthrough
Tags: , , , , , , ,

**Spoiler alert**

My body finally succumbed to desired sleep and I awoke at dawn as our ancestors did. But instead of foraging for much needed sustenance, I switched on my Xbox to feed on that satisfying green glow. Last night’s half a glass of water would suffice for now; I had not decided whether it was half full or half empty, but I was leaning towards the latter. My thoughts of apathy stemmed from my addictive behaviour, which is a dragon itself: fearsome, overpowering and destructive. Destructive in the sense that any productivity I tried to engage in was slapped with a big scaly wing.

As the game loaded up, my character awakened in the The Bannered Mare. Before I made way to leave the inn, I decided to question the locals to see if they had any interesting missions. Hammering the ‘A’ button to swiftly skip past the time wasting NPCs, I came across an interesting character called Sam Guevenne. I decided to withdraw from the incessant spamming of ‘A’ because 1) he did not tell me how he used to be an adventurer like me until he ya di ya di ya dah (don’t make me say it), and 2) he proposed an interesting competition; A drinking competition! This game continues to surprise me with what it has to offer. The contest was simple, down your drink, first one to stop loses. Sam promised a staff if I were to beat him.

By the third drink Sam yielded and presented me the opportunity to win. I downed it and was congratulated as victor (by this point I seemed to be quite tipsy, very disappointed). But before I was awarded the staff Sam offered to take me to “a place where the wine flows like water.” Suddenly the screen darkened, and my first reaction was “oh s*** a glitch!!!!” it turned out that I blacked out (again disappointed in my man).

Dude where’s my goat?

I was awakened by Senna, a priestess who was not happy. Somehow I managed to get to Markarth on the western border of Skyrim! As I remorsefully cleaned up Senna’s temple and made my way out, Senna told me of my drunken mutterings of Rorikstead. Upon arriving I was accused of stealing a goat named Gleda and selling it to a giant. Being the gentle soul that I am (most of the time) I decided to humour the owner Ennis and rescue the goat. This was of course, a bad idea. Messing with a giant was never going to end well. After 34 tries I somehow successfully managed to lead Gleda away from the giant without him noticing me. A glitch perhaps?

Upon returning Ennis’s beloved goat, I was pointed towards Whiterun. No prize for guessing what happened when I got to there. Yep I had pissed someone else off. Ysolda claimed that I’d bought a wedding ring on credit from her and demanded I give her the money. Bitch please I helped you by getting that mammoth tusk! I was chased by two giants across Skyrim for it! But it seems past services had no place with her. Naturally I decided to retrieve the ring from my fiancée, Moira apparently. When I finally found her, I dropped the pad and just started laughing, hysterically. Moira was a Hagraven and requested that we consummate out marriage. But on a serious note this lady/thing was not taking no for an answer and seemed willing to consummate with my corpse. Fortunately the necrophilia did not occur, and Moira was annulled.

Not enough booze in the world

The quest goes on! Does it ever end? Yes. The ceremony was meant to take place in Morvanskur, a fort. It was probably Moira’s choice; she did after all live in a hut. Morvanskur seemed to be another dungeon with the usual greetings of arrows and balls of fire aimed at your face. After finishing off all life residing in the fort (I find myself feeling unsatisfied unless I double check), a ball of light was discovered which transported me to a pretty place called Misty Grove.

Sam was sitting at a table with a bunch of people calm, as you like. He revealed himself as Sanguine, a Daedric Prince whose domain is hedonistic revelry, debauchery, and passionate indulgences of darker natures. He lives up to his word and gives you the promised staff ‘Sanguine’s Rose’ which summons what seems to be a lookalike of Sanguine fitted with the best armour in the game. This mission is definitely worth doing for the staff alone.

I’m not going to apologise for the long post, this mission was definitely a highlight for me and shall be forever etched in my memories as one of my greatest gaming moments. The revelation of Sam as a Daedric Prince was mind blowing, especially for so early in the morning, well… late afternoon now. DAMN YOU SKYRIM.

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You’re milking it now

Posted: April 3, 2012 in Lolworthy
Tags: , , ,

The ‘arrow to the knee’ jokes were the only thing that I disliked about the game. This joke ran into the ground and yet people felt the need to grind it until the remnants of why it was funny in the first place floated away into Oblivion.

The video below shoots out of both barrels for me by being immensely funny and ability in showing my personal anger towards the trolls of the internet.